Yesterday, I’d an interesting visitor and if I’d more time, I’d have spent more time with her.
She is the younger sister of a celebrity, much married scandalous model-type, who made news with her unconventional lifestyle. She had nothing except a mixed up philosophy that shocked the timid middle class and provided good copy, gossip and tidbits to glossies. Of course, being a woman willing to expose and talk about her intimate affairs helped.
The lady, in her late fifties or early sixties, who came to me looked like her sister, dark, fat and old. She had said that ‘she had written a book’ and wanted guidance about how to go ahead with it. I didn’t mind meeting her.
It wasn’t a novel. It was to be ‘her legacy’ (her pompous words) before she departs. I won’t mention the subject. She thought it was important enough to interest housewives.
Interestingly, the lady has never written anything in her life. Nor is she into reading.
I don’t read fiction, she said.
Okay, what about non-fiction?
I have read some.
Please let me have one title, I asked.
UG Krishnamurthi, she said.
(Must have got it complimentary from her sister, what else? Her sister was into UG.)
No other book.
Which bookshop do you visit?
Nothing in particular (Read: never visited a bookshop).
How much money is in books?
It all depends but it’d take several months for the royalties to reach you. One can get an advance too but it again depends whether the publisher is interested.
What if I publish it?
Then you have to find a distributor.
How much will he pay me?
He’d take a commission from you but that, again, is if he is interested. But tell me, have you written the book?
No, but I’ve notes.
I advised her to write at least one chapter and send one chapter to some publishers.
Suppose they steal my chapter?
No, they won’t do it. But have you written some chapters?
Not really, but I can.
How will you write?
A questioning look.
I repeat my question. How do you write?
She hesitated and then said, “With pen, of course.”
So, there are still people who write in long hand!
“In that case someone else will have type the manuscript.”
“Yes.”
“Then someone has to do the proof-reading?”
She nodded.
“Then, someone has to edit it.”
She nodded. By now I was sure that she was wasting her precious time.
I’ll need some help. Do you know any professional who can write the book for me?
Why will a professional write for a non-entity?
By then I was ready to pull my hair.
Often, people who read books talk of writing. And some of them do it, too. But this was like a retired mid-level executive asking Ram Gopal Verma for guidance to make film. Now I know why RGV avoids meeting strugglers.
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